Onomatopoeia

Many articles about onomatopoeias cite my least favorite poem by Edgar
Allen Poe, "The Bells," as an example. Tinkling, jingling, ringing,
etc. Yes, there are many in that poem, but I’d like to use a different example than Poe’s poem. Remember the old Batman television series? (Isn’t it cool that things like this are shown on cable or even remade into movies and we can use them as examples without dating ourselves? That way no one knows that I actually watched Batman back when new episodes were being released!) When I was a little girl, my favorite part were the fight scenes when the graphics of "fighting" words popped onto the screen. "Pow!" "Bam!" "Slam!" Many of those words were onomatopoeias, which comes from a Greek word meaning "name-making." In other words, an onomatopoeia is a word that looks how it sounds.

I know you don’t need to be reminded (again!) that the writer’s job is to give the reader an emotional experience or that the best way to produce that experience is by using all the senses in our writing. Some writers limit their description to visuals. And if they incorporate sounds, most of them are the words heard through dialogue. Onomatopoeias are a great way include buzzing, clicking, and cackling to your stories and help the reader "hear" what’s happening.

In my current WIP, my readers can hear the Ding! Ding! Ding! of a bell, signaling the beginning of a wrestling match, the harrumph of an unhappy character, the loud click of a phone call being disconnected in someone’s ear, and the yowling of a cat. Who or what is sounding off in your WIP?

Today’s Exercise:

Share at least five onomatopoeias from your WIP or from one of your favorite novels.

 

Personification

What made Walt Disney’s cartoons unique when they were first introduced? Personification. Disney grabbed anything within reach and gave it human qualities–feelings, abilities, speech, etc. And the tradition continues in Disney’s later films. For example, from Beauty and the Beast: Mrs. Potts, the talking teapot, the clock and the candlestick–all inanimate objects brought to "life." Even the beast himself is an example of personification.

Personification is not only used for cartoons; it is widely used in poetry. Consider Emily Dickinson: "Because I could not stop for death–he kindly stopped for me."

We even use personification in much of our conversation, probably without realizing it: creeping fog, helping hand, etc., and it can also be a powerful description tool in novel-writing.

Here are a couple of examples of personification from my own WIPs:

From Wings of the Dawn…

The group followed the Humbolt River, the watery beast that forced their wagons back and forth across its banks numerous times while it played hide and seek, ducking in and out of wide and narrow canyons. After three weeks of toying with the travelers, the tributary eventually converted into a maze of sloughs and swamps until finally, swallowed by the desert at its alkali sink, the waterway hid its miserable head in the sand.

From You Schmooze, You Lose…

I clasp my hand around the offered pen and lean over the guest book. A swag of hair sneaks down and blocks my vision.  I don’t even try to fling my hair back into place like the cute girls. For one thing, it doesn’t have a “place”; it has a mind of its own. Or perhaps my hair doesn’t have a mind of its own but is instead, possessed. That’s it–I have demon hair.

Today’s Exercise:

Look around your home/office/yard/wherever you happen to be at the time and select an object. Write a sentence or two (even a paragraph or entire scene if you’re game) and bring that object to "life." Please share your work with us!

Similes

Thanks…

First, I want to say thanks to those of you who have left comments so far! I’ve received a few e-mails from readers who said they are having fun with the exercises. Be brave–post your answers! (I guess I need to post some, too!) And remember, everyone who posts comments during this week will have their name placed in a drawing for some of my excess books, so grab a pen and paper, have a little fun, and post a comment.

Similes…

You don’t have to venture very far into a Raymond Chandler novel to find a simile. He used them frequently and well. One that comes to my mind was the description he used when the character Phillip Marlowe first encountered a woman who was attempting to seduce him. He said, "Her legs had more tone than a lyric poem."

Some people confuse metaphors and similes. Usually similes use comparison words–as, than, and like. They are fairly easy to spot. Metaphors leave off the comparison. For example: "He is a pig!" would be a metaphor. "Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower" (Charles Schwab) is a simile. (We’ll discuss metaphors in a future post.)

Many poems employ similes. Here’s a well-known poem with several examples of similes:

"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky."

Other similes from that same poem by Clement Clark Moore include:

"He looked like a peddler, just opening his pack."

"His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!"

"He had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly."

Moore incorporates similes throughout the entire poem, which is fine for poetry. But, in writing other prose, like cayenne pepper, we must sprinkle our writing carefully with similes and other prose-perking tools. Otherwise, it will be over done.

Another consideration for similes is to keep them in character. What do I mean by that? Here’s an example:

"My heart pounded against my chest with the same insistency as a Fuller Brush salesman with an impossible sales quota banging on a door."

That line was scrapped from my WIP. Why? It describes a startled character. BUT…my character is NOT a sales rep, therefore, she wouldn’t readily identify with the anxiety and stress associated with meeting an impossible sales quota. (Not to mention that the novel is a contemporary and door-to-door salesmen are nearly obsolete these days.)

I had to re-write the description to describe my character’s emotions in a manner consistent with her life. Since she is a sports photographer, she would think along the lines of athletes, not Fuller Brush salesmen. So my final choice fits better in her setting:

"My heart pounds against my chest with the same force as a linebacker smashing into a tackle dummy."

That phrase might not work to describe some women, but since the reader knows my character is a sports photographer, it makes sense. Any phrase that doesn’t "fit" can pull the reader from "book world," which is a bad, bad thing!

Another caution with similes is to watch for cliched phrases. "White as snow." "Lips as red as a rose." Invent fresh phrases that are in character with your story.

Today’s Exercise:

Flip through the pages of a book or two–classic or contemporary or from your own work–and find at least five similes. Do they fit the character and setting? Are they cliched phrases? If they are fresh and interesting, please share them.

Clearing Up Cliches

One way to perk up our prose is to incorporate various stylistic devices. Another way is to revise or even cut words or phrases that can better be said in another way. Cliches are one such thing we can revise.

Remember, our purpose as novelists is to give our readers an emotional experience. Since cliches are, well…cliches, little or no emotion is invoked when the reader reads them. In order to get a grasp of how to best rewrite cliched phrases, we must first consider what emotion we want to describe.

If our characters are shaking in their boots, they are obviously afraid. How else can we describe fear? One of the best examples I’ve read comes from the late Douglas Adams:

"He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it." This quote gives the reader a visual image and helps us "feel" Arthur Dent creeping up the corridor. It conveys the emotions of fear and dread.

It takes effort to come up with descriptions that aren’t tired and overused. For instance, a critiquer told me I needed a punchier opening sentence (don’t we all?). One that would immediately introduce the reader to the lead character, the tone or genre of the novel, show some emotion, and intrigue the reader enough to continue. So, how could I convert my lame opening into one sentence that could fill the order?

First, I called for backup. My son has an imagination that never ends. He immediately agreed that my first sentence needed scrapped and asked me that magic question, "What emotion is it that your character is feeling?" I knew the answer. Dread. She would rather do anything than what she was about to do. When I told him that, he asked, "What do women dread?" I mentally listed things I dread the most, bypassed things such as mammograms (my son is 17–didn’t want to get into all of that with him), and stopped when I reached plucking eyebrows. I’d rather wear my glasses than pluck my unibrow so I’ll look decent in contact lenses.

Since he’d never experienced eyebrow plucking, he ventured into the bathroom and returned with some tweezers. Ouch. He agreed this task merited the feeling of dread. Since my novel is Chick Lit, we decided we needed an "over-the-top" description of eyebrow plucking. My son played with the tweezers for a few minutes and realized they worked in a similar manner as chop sticks. Viola! We had the opening:

"Plucking my eyebrows with chopsticks would be a welcome alternative to the task on my agenda this evening." The sentence shows the character’s dread. Introduces the character’s sassy manner, setting the tone for the novel. Plus, hopefully the reader will be intrigued and begin wondering, "What’s on her agenda?"

Yes, plopping in a cliche is much easier than spending the 20-minute brainstorming process my son and I did to develop that line. Every sentence in your novel might not need that much attention, but considering the job of the opening sentence, I felt it was time well spent. And those with whom I’ve shared that sentence felt it was a great opening line for the novel. Woo-hoo!

Although I haven’t personally used any, there are some programs available that seek out cliches from your writing. "Cliche Finder" and "Cliche Cleaner" are two that I am aware of. If you’ve used either of these programs, please share your thoughts about them.

Today’s Exercise:

Tell what emotion the following cliches are attempting to describe. Rewrite at least one of the cliches. Please share your answers.

1. She drew a blank.
2. The committee was at loose ends.
3. Don’t get all bent out of shape!
4. She loves him, but he doesn’t give a plug nickel about her.
5. That was too close for comfort!

Alliterations

Welcome to the new "Perk Up Your Prose" blog workshop! I’d love for everyone to share their comments and/or examples for the featured tool of each post.

I met with a group of inspirational writers a few days ago, and we shared with each other a few pages from our current Works in Progress. In the few pages I read (Genre: Chick Lit), my lead character had a close encounter with an annoying cat. Her internalization during the incident read, "I resisted the urge to boot the beast." One of the listeners later asked if I was aware that I had used several alliterations throughout the piece, and she used that phrase as an example. Yes, actually, I was aware of the usage of a few alliterations, but I was pleased that someone else had noted my efforts to perk up my prose.

What exactly is an alliteration? An alliteration is the repetition of consonants in neighboring words. And, like all prose-perking tools, alliterations are like a good seasoning–a little will spice up your writing. Too much, and your writing will become too spicy to tolerate. (Think: Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers." Some literary techniques are more mild in nature, however alliterations are powerful, like cayenne pepper, so use sparingly unless you are purposefully producing a comic effect.

Popular usages of alliterations are Character Names (Mickey Mouse); Advertising–Product Names and Promotional Buzz Words & Phrases (Coca-Cola, Baby Boom, Final Four); and Literature and Poetry (if you’ve ever read Beowulf…).

Here’s an exercise:

Write an ad slogan for a new product and use alliteration(s) for your product’s name, the tagline, or somewhere in the slogan. Share your examples through the comments section if you wish. Everyone who posts an example to the exercises during the Perk Up Your Prose workshop (most likely through the end of November) will have their name entered in a weekly drawing to receive one of my excess books on the craft of writing. Hubby says I have to give away, sell, or *gasp* burn (I’m sure he was kidding on that one) some of the books from my overstuffed shelves!